So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
