I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
