the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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