i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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