Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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