Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
