U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
