If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize