Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
