just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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