Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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