I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
