omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
