i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
