just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
