i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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