Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize