He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
