Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
