some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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