just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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