I'm really into asian looking animals
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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