the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
