so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
