I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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