my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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