my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
