She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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