I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
