Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
