I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
