it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
