She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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