Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
