im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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