Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
