your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
