Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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