I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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