Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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