a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
