Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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