I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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