the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
