think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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