my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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