We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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