Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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