I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
