think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
