I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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