two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
