how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
