If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
