He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
