The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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