When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
