new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
please come you make the beer taste better
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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