i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
