but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
