I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
